It’s easy to use whatever bad shit that happened to us as a reason for being an asshole.
”I’m a shitty parent because my parents were.”
”I’m abusive in my relationships because that is what I know.”
I miss the drama, I do. The problem is I’m getting a little bit better each day. Some days I have set backs, but even on those days it’s a little bit better.
I would like to think if there’s a God, then he had a hand. If I think that then I have to ask why I had this hand to start with.
If we are all created in his image what the fuck is wrong with this dude? Why is everyone following him?
i would ask my super dogmatic MIL but she would have to put down the Bible and tell me why he kids talk about how she tried to poison their dad, try to kill herself, or why she chased him around trying to kill him with a knife.
I could ask that but have no energy for the run around.
She is not accountable.
Neither am I most of the time if I can avoid my shit.
But I need to account. Everything I’ve done maters.
Everything I haven’t maters also.
We need to account for who we are.




20 years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD. In reality I probably had it way before.